Talk Tuesday | You Say Hello, I Say Goodbye

I don't know what it is about the past couple of weeks, but I feel the change that is happening, and I know a lot of my friends have to. What change? The ending of major relationships, the saying goodbye to long friendships, and the moving forward in a very calm more "adult" type way (mostly lol). Lately, this seems to be the conversation I have with everyone.

I remember when I had such a hard time saying goodbye to people. When I was little I clung to my mom's leg everyday when she would try to drop me off at daycare. In school, I always wanted to be the first one to get to a place and the last one to leave...never wanting to miss anything. I also always wanted to be liked by everyone who met me and friends, always friends. I even made it a point to try and stay friends with all my exes and fling-type things.

Until I realized, only very recently, that that isn't the case, that's not how life works. We change, we grow, we outgrow each other and the relationships we created with people. We do fucked up things to each other and sometimes those things don't fully ever get forgotten. Not everyone is going to like you, and you in turn, aren't going to like everybody. That's just how life is!!!

PHEW did that take the pressure off you like it did me? Last year I finally embraced that and grasped the concept. It was like a huge relief off my shoulders. So many years trying to be congenial finally ended, and with that, the year of saying my goodbyes to relationship's and friendship's that no longer served me, or the people I was in them with either.

Don't get me wrong, when I started on this journey of goodbyes, it was literally like ripping limbs off. I cried. I stressed out. I would argue with myself to just give it one more chance before I opened my mouth and made a mistake. But you know, every time I got through the shock, I felt better. Freer.

It opened me up to start relationships with other people who wanted to be around me, who I was better suited for. Funny how the flow of energy works.

I won't lie, the last person I had to say goodbye to, was the absolute hardest. Maybe that's why I put it off so long, well until this week that is. I mean, it's hard to say goodbye to someone that you've told every secret to and shared great joys and greater sorrows with. But at the same time, it's hard to stay in a relationship where when you met said person you were the furthest from your authentic self that you could be and the box they think of you in, is no longer the box you yourself inhabit.

Sometimes it's in the reaffirmation of one's authentic self, that we have to let go of the idea's and the past stories that no longer serve us to say hello to new experiences and happiness.

That's what this last relationship represented to me, not that there wasn't and isn't great love there, but I held on to it, even though every interaction ended in fights or frustration at the end, because what would I have if I didn't have the edgy stories and memories that we had created together? Who would I be if I weren't that girl?

There is a relief though, that comes, for me it's the relief of allowing myself to fully embrace the life I have set out in front of me. It's allowed me to finally take ownership and personal stock of the ideas that no longer serve me now that they aren't connected in my brain with people, or relationships. That's an entirely different blog post though lol.

I love you all, and if you are having a hard time, you know I always have an ear for you dear glammies! Goodbyes are a hard part of life, but in the pain of that, the Hello's seem even that much sweeter.

XO
~D